I'm Only Alright When I'm With You
by BrownEyedBitch
Summary: Emily is staying at Hanna's house while both of her parents are in Texas. Emily is lonely and sad, but can she find refuge and maybe even love in her blonde bestie? What if Emily confesses her feelings and loses Hanna, and even her other friends? A decision must be made as Emily realizes that no one can make her happier than Hanna Marin.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey guys this is my first fanfiction ever so I really hope you enjoy it! Please please please review, tell me what you love, what you hate, and what I can improve on; I would really appreciate it. So again, enjoy!**

{Emily POV}

Once she fell asleep, I got up from where I was next to her and made my way across the room and grabbed my phone off of her dresser, checking the time. It was just past midnight. I sighed, completely awake. I set the phone back down on the dresser and looked around the room. Everything about it screamed Hanna Marin; from the mannequin in one corner, to the empty shopping bags in another, to the giant mirror in another.

I decided to go get something to drink, trying not to wake my blonde friend up, but the door creaked when I opened it.

"Em?" Hanna whispered.

I turned around and gave her a shy smile. "Hey, sorry I couldn't sleep. I'm just going to grab a glass of water," I whispered back.

"Get me one, too." she said, burying her face deeper into her pillow.

I and left the room, creeping silently down the stairs. As I was filling up two glasses, I smiled at how cute she looked when she was tired with her eyes half closed and a pout on her lips. Hanna and I were definitely the closest of our group. Don't get me wrong, I would do anything for Spencer in Aria, but something about Hanna made me feel safe. I knew I couldn't go more than a day without her. I loved her, but there was nothing romantic about it. I wasn't stupid enough to fall in love with on of my best friends twice.

When I walked back into the bedroom, Hanna had fallen back asleep. She was curled into a little ball with her brow furrowed, as if something was troubling her. I set the water on her bedside table and sat on the other bed, my head tilted to the right as I watched her sleep. _Woah, creeper status has been reached._ I thought and shimmed out of my jeans. I realized that I had forgotten to bring pajama pants , so I climbed under the blankets like with just my underwear covering the lower half of my body and a plain white t-shirt I had borrowed from Hanna's closet.

I couldn't sleep, though. I was freezing cold and I just couldn't get warm. Slowly, I crept over to Hanna's bed and whispered her name.

Without opening her eyes, she gave me a soft "Hmm?"

"I'm freezing," I said softly.

Without objection, she scooted over to the other side of the bed and patted the spot where she had been laying earlier. I smiled and climbed in next to her, immediately feeling warmer. I fell asleep quickly, facing her. Her sleeping face occupied many of the dreams I wouldn't remember in the morning.

* * *

I woke up to the smell of bacon. The other half of the bed was empty, and I was alone. Confused because Hanna never ate early in the morning, I rolled out of the bed and stretched before remembering it was Saturday. A glance at my phone told me it was almost eleven. I also had an unread message from a blocked number. _Joy,_ I thought. Not in the mood to read it, I slipped into a pair of Hanna's sweatpants she had left laying on the ground. Now fully clothed, I grabbed my phone and went to investigate the kitchen.

Right outside the bedroom door, I ran straight into Hanna who had nothing but a towel covering her. Her dripping hair implied she had just gotten out of the shower.

"Hey, sorry. Who's cooking?" I asked.

"Aria and Spencer came over right after I woke up. You looked exhausted yesterday, so I just let you sleep," the blonde replied.

I tried to keep the blush off my face as my eyes kept flitting to her neck, then her collarbone, and down to her..._Okay! That's enough of that!_ I thought, mentally beating the crap out of myself as I stepped aside to let Hanna into her room. I walked over to the top of the stairs before leaning against the wall and banging my head into it. All I could see was Hanna's totally kissable collarbone and I shook my head, trying to get the image out. What the hell was happening to me?

_You're just sad and lonely right now. Samara broke up with you last week, and Hanna is beautiful. You don't feel anything real for her._ I told myself that last part over and over again until I was afraid the words would be scrawled all over my face. Finally, I made my way down to kitchen where Aria was sitting at the counter talking to a Spencer who was staring out the window with her brow furrowed. As soon as I came into view, Aria, who had been in the middle of saying something that was obviously important, came to a full stop.

"Hey, Em," she said, alerting Spencer to the reason the discussion had been cut short.

"What's going on?" I asked slowly, realizing easily that I had been the main topic.

"Is Hanna with you?" Spencer asked.

"No, I think she's getting dressed, why?" I inquired. I noticed the tone in Spencer's voice. The lawyer tone she had acquired from her parents. She only used it when she knew someone would be trying to hide something. Something was definitely wrong.

"Why are you wearing her pants?" Spencer asked quickly.

"I forgot to bring any." I shrugged. Aria sat there quietly, and my eyes widened as I recognized this setup. I was about to be interrogated by none other than Spencer Hastings.

"So you slept in them?"

"No I only found them this morning."

"Weren't you cold?"

"Well, yeah, but I just slept in Hanna's bed."

"With no pants on?"

"What's the big deal? Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm going to be coming on to all of you guys!" I said angrily. But inside, I was terrified. _They know something._

"I didn't say that, Em." Spencer said softly. "I'm not implying that at all, it's just..."

"Just what? What aren't you telling me?" I glared at Aria, knowing that she'd be easier to crack than Spencer. I was right. My tiny friend slid her phone over to me. Looking at the screen, I saw an infamous A text. It was a picture of Hanna and I asleep, only I had both my arms around her with my head buried in her neck. I swallowed hard. Beneath it were the words, 'It looks like Emily loves her blondes. It's too bad our Hefty Hanna doesn't know how to use her right.' I swallowed hard, sure that this was the same text I hadn't checked this morning.

"Did Hanna..." I couldn't finish the question, worry was choking me, making it hard to breathe and impossible to speak.

"No, it was just us." Aria said.

I sat down next to Aria and nodded slowly. "You guys, I don't feel that way about Hanna. I mean I love her, but no differently than I love you guys. We were asleep, it was an accident." I said, biting my lip. This next part would be trickier. "I think I'm just upset because I miss Maya, and you know Samara broke up with me. I was probably just so used to holding someone while I slept that I just did it involuntarily. Look, either way, Hanna can't know. I mean, if she doesn't believe me or something, I could lose her. I could lose all of you. I can't let that happen." I finished.

"Can't let what happen?" Hanna asked strutting into the kitchen.

My heart skipped a beat, but I attributed it to the fact that she had almost heard my speech.

"We can't let Emily eat all that bacon, it's strictly against her training." Spencer recovered quickly. I shot her a questioning glance to which she just shrugged.

"Oh please, Em, you can eat whatever you want. You're perfect." Hanna smiled at me.

My breath caught in my throat and I returned the smile, while Aria and Spencer looked steadily down at their plates.

"Well, I have to go meet my mom. I'll see you guys later." Aria said, getting up quickly and heading for the door.

Spencer nodded. "Yeah I have to go help my mom with...lawyer stuff." she mumbled, following Aria.

Hanna just shrugged and winked at me. "More for us then,"

I gave her a nervous laugh and sighed when she wasn't looking. _Maybe I do have a thing for blondes._ I thought. _Blondes who are my best friends and are straight as can be and would never in a million years reciprocate my feelings. _

"Actually, Han, I think I'm gonna go jump in the shower." I stated and started heading for the stairs. "God I hate me." I whispered once she was out of earshot.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: MikotoAn, Thank you so much, I can't even tell you how happy that made me :)**

**So I'm gonna try and post AT LEAST one chapter a week until school starts, because I'll be more occupied then. Alright guys here's Chapter 2, I hope you love it!**

Under the cascade of warm water, my head felt much clearer. I was still repeating my new motto every five seconds, but more out of habit than out of need. _You don't feel anything real for her _played over and over again in my head. I finally realized that I couldn't just hide in the shower all day and turned the handle to the off position. Wrapping a towel around myself, I stepped out into the hallway, running once again into Hanna, except this time the roles were reversed.

"Sorry, again." I said giggling. _God I'm such a dumbass!_

Hanna laughed with me. "Maybe we should start announcing when we leave a room."

I smiled and maneuvered past her and into her, well "our" now, room. I quickly changed into a pair of dark jeans and a white button up underneath one of the softest sweaters in the world. I recalled that Hanna had given it to me, saying sweaters weren't really her thing. It still smelled like her, and soon I was sitting on my bed with my face buried in my sleeve. It was several minutes before a realized what I was doing. _It's not real!_ I shouted in my head.

Groaning at my stupidity, I bumbled out of the room, this time completely knocking over Hanna. We both crashed to the floor, her breaking my fall.

"What happened to saying something?" she asked in a slightly annoyed but still light tone.

Sighing I propped myself up on my hands and knees. My knees were on either side of her hips and my hands were up by her shoulders. I thought how easy it would be to kiss her right now. The thought of her lips against mine made my arms tremble and my breath hitch. She tilted her head at me, so agonizingly cute, like a lost puppy and she adopted that pouty look that killed me.

"Aren't you gonna let me up?" she asked quietly, not really sounding like she wanted to get up.

I couldn't hold back anymore. All of the consequences of that little action didn't mean a thing in my head. It would all be worth it just to kiss her for a second. And that's exactly what I did. Leaning down, I brushed my lips against hers ever so lightly; it was almost as if they weren't touching. Honestly, if I couldn't hear the pounding of my heart in my ears and the heat on my face, I might not have known. Me, Emily Fields, kissing my best friend, Hanna Marin. The kiss was short, barely lasting two seconds before I was up and running.

I ran as fast as I could, skipping several stairs and almost breaking my neck at least three times. I was out of the door before I even started breathing again. And I kept running. Down this street and that one until my lungs felt like they were going to disintegrate and my legs felt like lead. I collapsed against a wall in some tiny alley where I knew no one would find me and cried. I bawled my eyes out until my breath was even more ragged than it had been when I was running.

Everything was over. Hanna was going to hate me. Aria and Spencer were going to be forced to take sides and that would make them hate me. I felt more alone than I'd ever been. To make matters worse, my phone buzzed with a text. I looked down at it with blurry eyes and managed to make out that it was a blocked number. All of this was A's fault. I had never hated that bitch more. I chucked the phone against the opposite wall with a scream, not bothering to read the text. It shattered into several pieces. I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I knew it was because I was out of tears.

* * *

{Hanna POV-}

"Aren't you gonna let me up?" I asked her, my head tilted and my lower lip out.

Something about Em was different today. I couldn't figure out what it was though until she was sitting over me like that. There was something in her eyes. It took me a moment to place it as pain; pain for what, though, I had no clue. There was something else there too, but took a life-changing event to place.

I saw Emily leaning in. I knew what she was going to do. But I didn't stop her. I wanted to know what it was like; what it was like to kiss another girl; what it was like to kiss Emily Fields, the swimmer I had known for what seemed like forever, the girl I felt closest too, the girl I loved, not romantically, but still on a deep level. This was the girl I would take a bullet for, the girl I knew would do the same for me. And I wanted to kiss her.

The moment Emily's lips touched mine, I knew that the look in her eyes was love. This wasn't just some 'in the heat of the moment' kiss, this was something she had wanted to do for a long time. It wasn't a long kiss by any means, but the feelings communicated through it would have taken a hundred years to explain. The next thing I knew, she was gone. I heard the door slam shut, but I couldn't move.

I literally felt too stunned to move, I could barely even breathe. I don't know how long I laid there, it could've been minutes, it could've been days. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I barely heard the people coming up the stairs, but when I heard my name screamed, I pursed my lips and look toward the staircase. Aria and Spencer were running towards me, the worry totally evident on their faces

"Hanna! Hanna, are you okay?" Aria was shouting but her voice sounded distant. I propped myself up on my elbows and nodded slowly.

"What happened?" Spencer asked. Again, her voice was distant.

I got to my feet and started to walk down the stairs and to my kitchen. I knew they would follow me. I poured myself a glass of water and sat down at the counter, bringing my scattered thoughts together. Aria and Spencer waited patiently for me to start talking, but I could see the worry was killing them.

"Emily kissed me," I breathed out slowly.

They looked at each other, concerned. That was definitely not the reaction I was ready for.

Spencer rubbed her temples like she had a headache. "She promised she didn't feel that way," she sighed.

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Feel what way, Spence?" I asked.

It took at least ten minutes for Spencer to show me the text from A, explain the conversation with Emily, and for me to recount the events leading up to the kiss. Spencer decided to go look for Em while I stayed at my house with Aria. As much as she tried to change the subject, it was no use. I could still feel Emily's warm, soft lips against mine. I could still smell the perfume I had worn the day I gave Emily the sweater she was wearing. Most of all, I could still feel the safeness I had felt when she looked into my eyes.

* * *

{Emily's POV}

When I woke up, someone was standing over me. I was afraid it was Hanna, coming to tell me she hated me, but a flash of dark hair told me it was Spencer.

"Come on, Em. Get up." she ordered. Her voice was kind, but her words were strict. Same old Spence.

I didn't respond. I just started at the point between my feet. I didn't want to talk about what I had done. I knew that no one would understand, not even one of my best friends. I heard Spencer start to talk to someone over the phone, but it was only background noise. I focused all my thoughts on that tiny patch of asphalt, hoping that if I concentrated hard enough the ground would just open up and swallow me whole.

Eventually I heard someone else walk up and grab one of my arms. Spencer grabbed the other and together they dragged me into the backseat of a car. _Aria's car_ I realized. I heard the door slam, two opening, then two more slams. I couldn't even tell that the car was moving, but when I was dragged back out of the car, we were in front of Spencer's house. They hauled me inside and threw me down on the couch. I took up the same position I had in the alley, with my arms draped around my knees which were pulled up to my chest.

"Emily, we need to talk about Hanna."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thanks to ninjagojay246, atemayelle, boonee94, , and everyone else for reviewing! It really means a lot, so please keep doing it and remember I'm totally open to suggestions :)**

**I don't know why, but I had a really hard time writing this chapter so yeah sorry if it's a little weird :) Enjoy Chapter 3!**

It took Spencer at least half an hour to convince me to talk about what had happened. I didn't want to. The situation felt way too fragile, like it was balancing on a pinpoint, and talking about it would make the whole thing topple over. Maybe if no one said anything about it, the kiss would go away. Maybe everyone could forget about it. But Spencer was a Hastings, and a Hastings never lets things go.

"Look, Em, I know you think that keeping quiet about it is somehow going to help you, but it won't. You're just going to stop talking to Hanna completely because you won't be able to speak without thinking about it and feeling embarassed. Then you'll stop talking to Aria and I because you feel like you're making us choose sides. It will make everything worse if you don't tell us what happened." Spencer explained for about the ninth time.

I sighed and hugged my knees tighter. Aria had sat down next to me, her arm slung around my shoulders. That little gesture meant a lot. These were my friends. They would understand, and they could never hate me...right? Spencer may have her lawyer voice going on, but I could see worry breaking through the glare in her eyes. I could trust them.

"Um, well, I kissed Hanna." I stated simply. Well that was sort of a start.

Aria smirked. "Yeah, we got that much." she said.

I shot a quick glare at her, wishing I could be as lighthearted in this situation. "I guess I was just freaked out about that A text. I was paranoid and worried that I really did feel that way about Hanna and that everything would fall apart if I made a move on it. I was this huge bundle of nerves and then I was just so close to Hanna and she got that pouty look on her face because I wouldn't let her up and...I don't know it just happened. But you guys are blowing it totlly out of proportion; our lips barely touched. Everyone knows I'm closest to Hanna, not that I don't absolutely love you guys, and no one can deny that she's beautiful, but I don't love her like that." That last part was a total lie. I did love Hanna more than I'd ever loved Maya or even Alison. That kiss was one of the happiest moments of my life, to be that close to Hanna was something I'd never even dreamed could happen. But they couldn't know that. No one could.

"Are you sure?" Spencer asked me sternly. "We know how much you loved Ali, and we know how much that hurt you. We just don't want to see you in pain like that again, Em. We love you way too much."

I gave her a small smile, but it wasn't sincere, and could tell. She didn't press it, though. "I'm sure. I don't love Hanna like that." I repeated, surprising myself at how easily that lie kept flowing out of me.

Aria nodded. "Okay, now you'd better go talk to Han, she's freaking."

I nodded slowly and rose from the couch, making my way to the door. I didn't have a ride to Hanna's, but the walking time would help clear my head and give me some idea of what I was going to say to the blonde. I turned the knob and looked back at my friends. "Thanks." I said quietly, and walked out into the night.

* * *

{Hanna's POV-}

I was laying silently on top of my bed, drumming my fingers on the comforter. Aria had left to help Spencer with Emily over an hour ago. I had no idea what they could be talking about. I had no idea what I wanted them to be talking about. I knew Emily loved me, but I still wasn't quite sure what kind of love it was. Was it like the love she had felt for Ali? Or maybe it was just a 'I love you more than I love my own sister' kind of love. And even if I knew exactly how Emily felt, would that even help me figure out how I felt?

I supposed it came down to one big question. Would I kiss Emily again? My immediate answer was no. I was with Caleb who I was so head over heels in love with. Not to mention, I was totally straight, and anyway, Em was my best friend. So why was there this nagging voice in the back of my mind that kept saying yes? I knew I wasn't gay, I had never looked at girls that way. Sure, I found some girls attractive, who doesn't? But I'd never really wanted to kiss another one before, but I maybe, just maybe, I wanted to kiss Emily.

I heard the front door closed and, thinking it was my mother, slowly exited my room to go greet her. I came face to face with none other than the girl whose lips had been dominating my mind.

"Hey," she said breathlessly, as if she had run miles to get here.

"Hey, Em," I responded, sounding equally winded.

We stood there like that for what seemed like forever, just a few feet apart glancing up at each other but ultimately staring at the ground that separated us. She broke the silence first.

"Han, can we just like forget about this morning, please?" she asked quietly.

I was relieved, but a little more hurt than I would like to admit. Several sarcastic responses came to my head, but for once I knew the subject was too raw to joke about yet.

I nodded and gave her a warming smile before pulling her into a hug. "Em, you're my best friend. You know that right?" I questioned.

"Of course," she whispered. Her mouth was so tantalizingly close to my ear, her warm breath forcing me to hold in a shiver. _God this day has taken a weird-ass toll on me._ I thought bitterly.

I pulled away from the hug, but grabbed Em's hand and tugged her into our room. I was already dressed in my pajamas and I quietly climbed into my bed. I almost fell asleep while Emily changed, but a strange silence fell over the room and I opened my eyes halfway to see a confused Emily standing over her bed, but glancing over at mine. I had to admit, it was nice not sleeping alone the previous night. It made me feel safe.

Hesitating for a second, I rolled over to the other side of the bed and patted the spot next to me. Oddly enough, it wasn't awkward when the brunette carefully laid down next to me. I guess forgetting that morning was coming easier to Emily than it was to me. We were both laying on our backs and I put my hand in between us to find hers already there. I didn't move mine away though, and we slept just like that the whole night.

* * *

{Emily's POV-}

I was torn out of my dream by a loud crash. Groaning, I opened my eyes and looked around. Hanna was no where to be seen. Worried, I jumped out of the bed, deciding that the evil pool pirates of my dream would have to wait. The air was freezing cold; I only had a pair of black and white striped boyshorts and a big white t-shirt. I shivered as I crept silently down the stairs, peering around for any sign of danger. "Han?" I called out, my voice almost echoing. I stepped into the kitchen to a totally unexpected sight.

I shirtless Caleb was re-belting his jeans and a Hanna in her underwear was trying to look nonchalant while fixing her hair. Caleb at least had the decency to look embarrassed as he finally got his shirt over his head, but Hanna simply stood up and walked over to the stove.

"Breakfast anyone?" she asked.

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "With where your hands have just been? I think I'll be good."

She turned around and stuck her tongue out at me. "You're just jealous that I'm getting lucky and you're not." she sneered. I could tell she was joking, but it still kind of hurt.

Caleb couched uncomfortably and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I guess that's my queue," he mumbled. He gave Hanna a kiss on the cheek before giving a little wave to me and shuffling out the door. I smirked at Hanna and grabbed a glass from the cupboard.

"I'm sorry I ruined your morning fun Han," I told her, giving my own puppy dog face a try.

Hanna turned to me and smiled. "It's fine. Just remember that the puppy face is mine."

I returned the smile and filled the glass with orange juice. I titled my head and watched as Hanna tried to reach the bowls on the top shelf. Maybe I couldn't like her, but I could look at her, and smile at her, and think about her. It definitely anywhere near what I wanted, but it was so much better than nothing. I was so out of it that I hadn't even realized that she had turned around, and it totally looked like I was checking her out. I mean, I was, but she wasn't supposed to think that.

Humiliated, I cleared my throat and stood up, draining my cup. "I'm gonna go hop in the shower," I said quickly and ran up the stairs. _I need to get better at this!_


End file.
